#187 | Financial Intimacy: Improve your relationship with money talk

February 6, 2023

Episode Summary:

 

In this episode, we discuss the concept of financial intimacy and how focusing on financial intimacy can improve your relationship. Financial intimacy is the level of trust and comfort that couples have when they are discussing and managing their finances together; it’s a measure of how open and honest partners are with each other regarding their finances.  We share specific tips and advice for how to improve your financial intimacy.  

Episode Notes:

We get the most questions/issues brought up about spouses and partners not being aligned with money. When you’re aligned, it’s awesome. When you’re not, it can be really tough. In episode 109, we talked about why and how to talk to your partner about money, but there’s a whole deeper level and approach to really being open and vulnerable with your partner financially. One term for it is financial intimacy, and we like this term. Finance can be a very intimate and vulnerable topic for many people, and it’s why many people don’t want to talk about it. 

 

What is financial intimacy? 

Financial intimacy refers to the level of trust and comfort that couples have when discussing and managing their finances together. It’s a measure of how open and honest partners are with each other about their financial goals, habits, and challenges. Couples with high financial intimacy are able to talk openly and honestly about money, share their financial goals and dreams, and work together to achieve them. They have a shared understanding of their current financial situation, including income, expenses, debt, and savings, and are able to make decisions together that align with their shared values and priorities. On the other hand, a couple with low financial intimacy may have difficulty discussing money, may have different views on spending and saving, and may not have a clear understanding of their shared financial situation. This can lead to conflicts, mistrust, and financial stress. Financial intimacy is important because it can help couples build trust, reduce stress, and work together to achieve their financial goals.

 

Financial intimacy does not come naturally to everyone, it takes time and effort to develop it. Every relationship dynamic is unique, but here are some general tips and ideas to improve your financial intimacy:

  1. Have a positive attitude and focus on a shared vision for the future. Remember that talking about money can be stressful, but approach the conversation with a positive attitude and focus on the future, and how you can achieve your financial goals together. Discuss your financial goals and dreams and work together to create a plan to achieve them. What is more romantic than planning for your future together?
  2. Set aside regular times to talk about money. Avoid bringing up financial issues when one of you is already stressed or tired, instead, schedule a specific time when both of you are calm and can give the conversation your full attention. This can be weekly, monthly, or whatever schedule works best for you. And consider making this time fun, perhaps it’s a financial date night once a month or even a romantic take on money. For example, we light some candles and open up the spreadsheets before we get between the sheets. I only spread my sheets for someone who I can review a good spreadsheet with.
  3. Discuss your concerns and priorities. Identify what you see as the main financial problems or challenges you’re facing and discuss how you both feel about them.
  4. Listen actively and try to understand your partner’s perspective. Avoid criticism or blame, and instead, focus on finding solutions together. Listen to your partner’s concerns and perspectives and try to understand where they are coming from.
  5. Be vulnerable and dig deep to develop open and honest communication. Share your feelings and thoughts about money, and be willing to listen to your partner’s thoughts and feelings. This vulnerability is an important part of intimacy. The messiness of a discussion is how we make connections with your partner. 
  6. Establish trust and accountability. Be honest about your actions, keep each other in the loop, and hold each other accountable for achieving your financial goals.
  7. Share responsibilities. Establish clear roles and responsibilities for managing the household finances and stick to them. 
  8. Be open to compromise. Understand that you may not always agree on everything, but be willing to compromise and find solutions that work for both of you.
  9. Seek professional help if needed. If you’re struggling to improve your financial intimacy, consider working with a financial planner or therapist to help you navigate the process.
  10. Start early. Test the waters while you’re dating early in a relationship, and then bail if it’s clear it’s not possible. 

Financial intimacy is an evolving process, and it’s important to continue to work on it over time. And it’s not just about money; it’s also about trust, respect, and open communication. By building trust and respect in your relationship, you’ll be able to have more open and honest conversations about money, which will ultimately help you to build a more financially intimate relationship.

 

Money can bring you closer together in your relationships. Money issues are never just about money, they are always stemming from something else. If you can’t get to that something else, then you’re not reaching a level of true intimacy with your partner.  

 

Top 3 takeaways:

  1. Financial intimacy is important. Money can bring you closer together in your relationships. It may be a tough or awkward path for you, but it’s important.
  2. As your relationship grows, strive to mirror that growth in your financial intimacy.
  3. Set a financial date with your partner, even if it’s not your first financial discussion.  

 

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