#176 | The arrival fallacy and finding happiness where you are

November 21, 2022

Episode Summary:

In this episode, we talk about the arrival fallacy and what you can learn from better understanding it. The arrival fallacy is the false assumption that once you reach a big goal, you will have enduring happiness from accomplishing that goal. We explain why it’s a mistaken belief and how to fight it and find happiness in the journey instead of the destination.  

Episode Notes:

 

What is the arrival fallacy?

  • The arrival fallacy is the false assumption that once you reach a goal, you will experience lasting happiness. Many people become less happy after attaining something they have been striving towards. They were happier during the journey and less at the destination.
  • Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, a Harvard-trained expert on positive psychology, created the term itself. Dr. Ben-Shahar says, “the arrival fallacy is the illusion of reaching a destination or goal and realizing that the achievement doesn’t make you as happy as you thought it would.” He then adds, “while most people can predict what might may them happy, they usually misjudge the preconceived intensity and overall duration of said happiness.”
  • It makes sense that when you’re on a journey to some big audacious goal, from a big project launch to becoming a doctor to having a child to early retirement, you believe at the end of it, you’ll reach an enduring level of happiness. 
  • Once people arrive at a goal and realize the happiness doesn’t last, they set another bigger, better goal, constantly seeking something they believe will arrive at lasting happiness. And it doesn’t. That’s the fallacy.
  • People experiencing the arrival fallacy might also mask their unhappiness that increases after their goal is achieved. This concept is often called “escalation of commitment” and is a human behavior pattern where someone facing negative consequences from a decision, action, or situation continues the behavior instead of altering their course. They are escalating their commitment to some path, even as they learn it might not be the path for them.  
  • People mistakenly confuse happiness with reaching an achievement. 
  • Happiness is a lifelong journey. It’s not one achievement. It’s not one place you arrive at and then stay at. The insight here is that happiness is a journey, not a destination.  

Is the arrival fallacy affecting your happiness?  

  • Maybe. Probably. If you’ve reached a goal and you’re not feeling continued happiness from it, then you’re likely experiencing the arrival fallacy.
  • You may feel incredibly happy after achieving a big goal, and that’s awesome and hopefully the case. We don’t mean to imply that working hard towards a goal can’t create happiness. The arrival fallacy and what we want to help you avoid is the idea that achieving that big goal will create enduring happiness. It will create a short-term dopamine hit of happiness, and you need to design a life where you get those dopamine hits on an ongoing basis. Happiness is a lifelong journey, and we feel happiness through our relationships, community, and daily life efforts.
  • Most of the ways you can fight the arrival fallacy involve changing your mindset. Of course, mindset is the solution to so many things in life, so we’re not surprised by this!

What can you do to combat the arrival fallacy and improve your happiness?

 

  • Identify the core issue you believe is making you less happy or unfilled, and make sure the goal indeed corrects that.
  • Do your research. Know what you’re getting into. Talk to other people.
  • Adjust your expectations. Based on the research you’ve done, adjust your expectations. Go in “eyes wide open,” and stop telling yourself you’ll be so happy when xyz happens. It’s not an arrival fallacy if you know what you’re getting into and you’re not expecting immediate and lasting happiness from a career path. On the contrary, setting your expectations too high creates more unhappiness and can lead to depression and other types of malaise. 
  • Set smaller, more practical goals. Enjoy the efforts and journey you’re taking on the path of something versus expecting the final arrival on the path to be what creates happiness.
  • Appreciate that happiness is your life journey, not the destination. 
  • Envision your future. Ask yourself what you’ll do after you reach a goal that will continue to make you happy?
  • Create new goals. Setting goals and then starting the journey to achieve them can make you happy. But let’s bring that back full circle, as you need to understand the arrival fallacy so you can set your expectations on how you’ll feel as you accomplish these new goals.  
  • Things take time. Be patient.
  • Handle hard better. This is a super short and inspiring talk from Duke’s women’s basketball coach Kara Lawson. She says life will “never get easier; what happens is you handle hard better. What happens if you become someone who handles hard stuff better, not someone waiting for the easy.” Understanding the arrival fallacy helps you to handle hard better.

    Top 3 takeaways:

    1. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. 
    2. Invest in that journey and design your life to optimize what truly makes you happy.
    3. Money, or early retirement, won’t magically make you happy, but it can give you the freedom to design a life filled with more of the things that do make you happy.

     

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