Episode Summary:
In this episode, we talk about how to stick to your values when you or your kids are faced with peer pressure. First, we talk through different types of peer pressure, from positive and negative, to active and passive. We then talk more about the good kind of peer pressure, share strategies for combatting negative peer pressure, and give ideas for how to get more of the good kind of peer pressure into your life.
Episode Notes:
Peer pressure is all around us. There is pressure from marketers, kids, friends, complete strangers, and all around us!
What is peer pressure?
- Peer pressure, by definition, is “a feeling that one must do the same things as other people of one’s age and social group to be liked or respected by them.”
- There is also active and passive peer pressure. Active is someone saying, “oh you gotta get a Tesla so you can be my bessie with a Tessie.” Passive is me seeing you have a Tesla and then really wanting one.
- I believe there is positive and negative peer pressure, otherwise known as good and bad influences.
- Keeping up with the Joneses is peer pressure at its finest. You’re doing it for them, not for you.
The good kind of peer pressure:
- We all want to feel accepted and valued by others. It takes courage and confidence to buck the trend. And some peer pressure can be good! Let’s talk about that for a moment.
- The positive effects of peer pressure can include a sense of belonging and support, increased self-confidence, and learning new hobbies and interests. FI and FIRE are great examples of the positive effects of peer pressure.
- The whole reason and spirit of why we started this podcast were to get more friends to talk about money. Talking to your friends about money is a form of good peer pressure if you do it appropriately.
- If the peer pressure is motivating and encouraging, that’s the sweet spot! But, if it starts making you feel bad about yourself, that’s when you want to reassess things.
- More examples of the good kind of peer pressure: Felipe/Shannon sharing their expense tracking and budgets, Mike doing the same, a friend who wants to do a no-drinking month challenge with you,
What strategies can help handle negative peer pressure? And how to find more of the good kind of peer pressure and get it into your life:
- Pay attention to how you feel. Recognizing peer pressure and being able to name it is half the battle.
- Plan and communicate. Pack special snacks if you know you’re going to feel pressure to buy your kids snacks at the movie theatre with another family letting their kids buy whatever they want.
- Have a candid conversation with the person pressuring you. For example, tell them something isn’t in your budget or how it makes you feel when they talk about a particular topic.
- Make up an excuse if you have to. For example, you may find with some people; you can’t have a direct and candid discussion. You can’t change everyone; you can only control yourself.
- Set boundaries and say no when you need to. Back up a no with a positive statement. You may need to be repetitive to ensure your boundaries and no one comes across clearly.
How to find more of the good kind of peer pressure and get it into your life:
- Surround yourself with more of the people you truly want to emulate. “You are the sum of the people you surround yourself with.” Sum is the perfect word here cause it can add up quickly if you surround yourself with people focused on materialism and acquiring more and more.
- If you don’t already have that community, go out and find it! It’s online with things like Instagram, Facebook, and youtube. It’s in person with local meetup groups and events like CampFI and EconoME.
- Invest in fostering friendships with similar values and beliefs. You have to put time and energy into friendships to foster them.
- Avoid people and situations that trigger peer pressure and don’t feel right to you. Leave a situation if it feels uncomfortable.
Encouragement to stick to your values in the face of peer pressure:
- It’s hard enough for adults to do this; imagine if you’re a developing teenager. With teenagers and kids specifically, give them opportunities to earn money through an allowance and extra chores. Then, let them manage that money and the decisions themselves with guidance from you. They need boundaries set for them; it’s how they learn.
- Flip the script. Change your mindset and how you’re contextualizing and adding perspective to these situations and decisions.
- It’s all about balance and tradeoffs.
Top 3 takeaways:
- There’s good and bad peer pressure.
- Find more of the good.
- This is hard work. Don’t beat yourself up too much if you succumb to peer pressure. But continue to work hard to overcome it.
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