Episode Summary:
In this episode, we talk about two types of big expensive parties, weddings and bat or bar mitzvahs. They average $30k+ and come with various traditions and expectations. We start by sharing what inspired this episode and what we’ve personally spent on these events. Finally, we provide some considerations for hosting awesome events without breaking the bank or going into debt.
Episode Notes:
We know these events are founded in meaningful and religious traditions, but let’s be honest, many of those traditions have turned into big expensive parties. We share how much we spent on our weddings. We discuss the historical etiquette of who pays for weddings and some stats and insights.
Things to consider as you’re deciding how much to spend and how to approach these big expenses in your life and your child’s life:
- Nobody cares. Just kidding, these are important events and worth making memorable, but make it memorable for you. Then, the people who truly love you will find it memorable because of that alone.
- There are no rules for these items. Even if there were rules, rules are meant to be broken, especially archaic and inflated rules. It’s personal finance, and everyone will make unique decisions about this stuff.
- Plan your wedding as though no one else will be there. What do you want it to be?
- Don’t succumb to peer pressure, keeping up with the Jones, or lifestyle inflation.
- Explore the root of a tradition and stay true to that; not everything it’s become as the world has become fancier and more modern.
- Realize there are alternative ways to do these things, and you can buck the trend if you want to.
- Really consider if you’re willing to go into debt for these things. Then, ideally, manage within your budget.
- It’s going to require discussions about money with your spouse and family. There may be some tough and awkward discussions. If you can’t manage these discussions, then you may not be ready to get married.
- Be transparent with your kids when and where appropriate. You can explain this stuff to a 13-year-old, 16-year-old, and especially a 25 or 30-year-old. Don’t be afraid to disappoint your kids, instead reframe it as a teachable moment. Consider proposing tradeoffs and options to your kids. And finally, remember that not getting everything you went and deciding on tradeoffs teaches kids important lessons. It builds humility, financial acumen, work ethic, and the ability to delay gratification.
Top 3 takeaways:
- Everyone’s approach can and should be different based on their situation and values. Be intentional!
- Don’t succumb to peer pressure.
- Talk to your kids about this stuff. It’s okay for them to understand some of these things earlier in life, so they aren’t surprised.
Show References: