Episode Summary:
In this episode, we discuss Glennon Doyle’s amazing book Untamed and talk about our feelings on being caged and how to use money to get free. Maggie recommended Untamed to Mike in 2020 because she thought it was relevant to him raising two daughters. But after reading and discussing, there are many deeper narratives about life and money. The book is really about being trapped in your own life and how over time we create a life that really isn’t ours. A big part of that is the search for money and tying our own self-worth to earning power.
Episode Notes:
Untamed is written in 3 parts: Caged, Keys, Free. Although the book is written in short chapters that jump around both in time and topic, the book’s general structure supports the broader realization that the author wasn’t in the life she wanted or that was true to her. And then through realization and life changes, she finds that freedom. So we’re going to talk about the parallels to money. Because it’s all well and good to know you’re not happy or fulfilled, but there is a very real requirement in making a change and that’s money.
In the prologue, the author tells a story about taking her daughter to the zoo and sees a cheetah. They are told that the cheetah leads a good life, but the author recognizes that even though the cheetah has its basic needs and leads a life that others determine to be “good”, it actually longs to be in the wild, despite being born in captivity.
In Part I: Caged:
Being caged is about doing what’s “right”, doing the things we “should” do, etc. We can all relate to this.
How we are supposed to live our lives:
- How to look:
- Where to go to school:
- Where to live:
- What to drive:
- Where to work/what to be:
Then, the lack of money traps us and puts us in a cage. Which I don’t think we even realize we’re in, just like the cheetah. But it doesn’t feel right. And many people find themselves in a life they can’t afford, in a job they don’t like, and totally unfulfilled. It’s this realization that leads people to FIRE. You don’t discover the community built around quitting your job unless you start searching for it.
In Part II: Keys
What are the keys to free yourself from the cage? Money is a powerful one. It allows us to step out for a moment to see what things could be like. The big one for us, is that annoyances or frustrations that would cause most people to drink and just bear it because they need money, causes us to say, “Do I even want to keep doing this anymore?”
Maggie believes your mindset around stuff and happiness and “Keeping up with the Jone’s” is one of the most powerful keys because it helps you not spend all of your money. You aren’t trying to impress other people, and you don’t believe you’re suffering. Doyle says, “When a woman finally learns that pleasing the world is impossible, she becomes free to learn how to please herself.” It’s not about impressing someone else, learn that and you’re free. You have found the key to the cage.
Your FI number is the key. If you want to have the freedom to make a big change in your life, you need “enough” money. And then you make the rules.
Another key is finding passions. The author talks about feeling right and not, and a passion feels right when you find it. The author would call this, “feeling warm.”
In Part III: Free
Doyle struggles with the idea that she should suffer by staying with her husband, in this life she doesn’t want, for her kids. One of the themes is that being a woman and mom is about being selfless, but she wants to be brave and set the example to live a life true to yourself. So, spoiler alert, she leaves her husband and marries Abby Wambach, the soccer player.
Once you decided that you need to make a change and then you save like crazy, you can reach FI. Now what! You now have the freedom to lead an intentional life, not the life people are telling you to live.
- “We can do hard things.” It can be hard to save money and build wealth. It can be hard to resist temptation and not do what everyone else is doing.
- “Being human is not hard because you’re doing it wrong, it’s hard because you’re doing it right. You will never change the fact that being human is hard, so you must change your idea that it was ever supposed to be easy.”
- “What the world needs more women who have quit fearing themselves and started trusting themselves. What the world needs is masses of women who are entirely out of control.”
- “The braver I am, the luckier I get.”
- “I am a clinically depressed inspirational speaker. I am a diagnosed anxious person whose main job is to convince people that everything‘s okay.. Please note that if I can be these things, anyone can be anything.”
Top 3 takeaways:
- It’s ok to come to the realization that the life you’re living isn’t exactly what you want.
- You shouldn’t suffer through it, and growing your wealth will provide the keys to freedom.
- Be brave and make a change!
**Bonus – If this isn’t obvious by now, read this book. And get it from the library!
Show references:
Book: Untamed by Glennon Doyle
Glennon Doyle’s non-profit, Together Rising